Dear Diary...
Friday, December 30, 2005
I spent my whole day in my aunty's house to study my tests which is Blaw. Well, I guess i'm done with it, only left with LAC formate and some case studies.
Spent time talking to my grandma. It's been such a long time since we had one. Enjoyed talking even through the topics mostly repeated. Hearing them just hear my hearts. It's where all the problems start, my immaturity of handling things and a broken relationship, family break down and worse leaving my grandma. How i wish i was a spoiled child. if all this hadn't had happened, i would be a rich ass and spending all my time with xiao zhu. hahaha.. but that was just IF.. I also don't want to be one la. Contradicting right????
My grandma even said she likes xiao zhu. Remembering xiao zhu always scared to call people in my family cause she shy and 1 time scare that my family doesn't like her. Well i'm glad my grandma likes her but all i said was she's not with me already. Then grandma asked is she with someone and i said yes, i could tell grandma saw how sad i was so she stopped asking. I just smile though cause i know she's in good hands. I just loved my grandma and mom so much. They are the ones ta keeps me moving and the ones who were there for me, not forgetting my brothers and sis la. But without the both of them i really don't know what will i become. I've already lost 1 important person in my life which is xiao zhu, i don't want to lose others.
I thought by lying to xiao zhu saying i like other people, she would spend more of her time on me. Cause she promised me it would be different once our O level finished. But still when school starts eveything went back to what it's like in secondary school. To make things worse i moved to AMK. I guess i made a wrong move by telling that to her. I've forgotten that i once betray her trust and it took me really hard to get her trust back to me. Worse, after broke up i really went for other girls because i thought i could use them to forget her and i told her i did went for other girls. How stupid and bastard can i be right? No wonder she doesn't want to come back to me. I remembered that time i called her and forcing her back, she shouted in the phone saying because i can't get them i want her back. she mistake me for that and i didn't explained myself cause i know she wouldn't believe what i say anymore..
Anyway what past had already past right. i know she's happy can liao right. I take my time to forget her. i have to, cause none of my friends would want to see me go after her to break her current relationship right or keep talking about her making myself so sad right??? She wants me to be happy too..!!
New year coming and tests coming. hope thing could really change for me and my family in 2006. Hope 1 day i could just ask her out and have a meal together as a friend. Most importantly, hope i change to a better person.
HOPES is all I have for 2006!!! Cheers people and GOD BLESS!!!
silly you;10:53 PM
