Dear Diary...
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
oki. today was a day i actually felt disgusted cause my damn sister kept touching my chest..!! and that really suck man..!! i only allow my girl to touch la and so far only one person had touched it. the feeling suck man.. sista if you are reading this.. i hate you..!!1 HAHA..
I reached school at around 11 plus when i was supposed to meet my groupmates at 10 to do projects.. seriously, everytime i'm doing a project, i felt so useless. Because if u look at all the work done, i can hardly see my work inside. Even if there are, compared to the rest, i only did a small part. It's either i have no confidents with myself or i'm really a person who doesn't know the F*** is going on during project times.. I've got this problem too, i tent to forget about my work after 2 to 3 weeks.. So sometimes i'm really worried that i might pull my groupmates results down. i always have this feeling. maybe because i know that i have english problems especially spelling. And i shouldn't blame anyone but myself. i am seriously lazy and i always tired to change for a short while. i always loss my concentration and determination easily. that's why till now i still can't get anything right or do anything well.
this goes to the way i treat a relationship too. i keep telling myself i have changed. but everytime i just questioned myself, am i?? the truth is i'm still very immature and insensitive towards alot things.. i still have alot to learn. learning to give up, get over, learning to love once more, learning to concentrate, learning to be a better person.... and so on.. there's so much to learn but yet so little done. i'm just died lazy and i deserve to die. i keep telling people about this and that, helping them to solve things and telling them the things i've learned. but talking so much, i didn't put what i learnt into action to help myself. what the F*** right. Why do i envy people that they are smart and rich and having good results, when i know i myself can do just as fine as them. but due to my laziness, i failed to achive all the above. why do we know where our problems lies yet do nothing about it. i'm trying really trying hard to overcome it.
i can feel the pressure and stress now. i need u to be there for me. but will you. if ever i need you, will you be here by my side. everytime i think about, i will just laugh or smile. because i know you well xiao zhu, you will never do anything that is wrong or will make your boyfriend unhappy right. everyday i pray you are happy and taken care well..
silly you;11:17 PM
